Okay so there’s like…a bajillion games that I took an active interest in, so I’m going to eschew my typical jibber jabber and bring my impressions by bullet points. Or at least I’m going to try to make it look like bullet points, anyways.

Killzone 3 – Looks as badass as ever, if not moreso. The Arctic/Oceanic environments look intense and the jetpack action looks fucking sweet…especially right after you ice a Hig in one. The WASP looks absolutely overpowered, shooting 9 missles at one target…I can’t wait to unleash THAT bitch online, either. With Arctic and Jungle environments, Killzone 3 looks to stuff its cock into the mouths of the whiney little fags who complained about Killzone 2’s color palette…lmao.

Seriously…when people are whining about the fucking color palette of a First Person Shooter named “KILLZONE”, you know they’re fucking gay.  KZ3 looks to shut those stupid hos up with a robust presentation of the visible color spectrum…just for you whiney fags who didn’t get enough fucking sunbeams and rainbows in the last one. First day buy…potential GotY.

Metal Gear Solid Rising – this game is going to cause some debate.  MGS fans are going to HATE the game’s apparent lack of stealth, and then there’s the fact that the game appears to center around Raiden.  Now, if you’ve played MGS4, then you know Raiden as a sword slingin, gravity defying, cyborg ninja badass extraordinaire who can cut bitches in half WHETHER OR NOT HE HAS ANY FUCKING ARMS…

…but if you’ve played MGS2, then you know Raiden is also a whiney little bitch with emotional baggage akin to that of Lindsey Lohan.

We’re all hoping that MGS2 Raiden is gone and never coming back.  And please God, do NOT include Rosemary or any fucking references to Raiden’s empty fucking bedroom.  Do Not…please…I’m begging you…just don’t.  Thank you very much.

Haterade for Raiden aside, MGSR is going to be walking a tightrope.  First of all, MGS has always been a stealth game, and while this game is sure to incorporate “some” sneaking, it’s clearly NOT a stealth game.  Secondly…Hack N Slash isn’t quite Konami or Kojima Productions’ bag, so we are treading virgin waters here.

Also…I’ve got all the Hack N Slash I need with God Of War III.  That along with the fact that Raiden is largely viewed as a second tier character in the MGS canon (and a fairly reviled one at that), this game is going to have to be damn near perfect to have relevance appropriate to the genre and the MGS franchise itself.

I’m not doubting that Kojima’s team can make it work…but I’m not quite drinking the Kool-Aid yet, either.

Little Big Planet 2 – Single player looks to get actual cutscenes as well as many different variables with regard to levels and modes of transport.  Likewise, Play Create Share gets the same bonuses, ensuring that users will be creating racers, shooters, and even horizontal scrolling shooters that hearken back to games like Space Invaders.

Oh and all the content out there for Little Big Planet works on LBP2, as well.  LBP and LBP2 will be Move compatible, so that should make the creation aspect of the game/working the Popit much smoother.  Not quite an urgent buy for me, but it’ll take some kind of catastrophe to prevent me from buying it eventually.

MotorStorm Apocalypse – I’m hoping that this game is more like the original and less like Pacific Rift.  Despite Monument Valley being an absolutely fucking EPIC setting for the original, the varied environments and Tropical Island theme of Pacific Rift were a nice change of pace.  Inclusion of split screen multiplayer was also quite the welcome addition.

Unfortunately, the game screwed up on two things that made the original so fucking awesome.  Bullet time, high detail, HD crash sequences and intuitive track design.  The crashes in PR looked like garbage in comparison, there wasn’t any of the flash involved in it and I found myself lost on tracks several times because of how obtuse their design was.  Got high hopes for this one…but again I’m not pre ordering yet.

inFAMOUS 2 – Never played through the first…didn’t really fall in love with the demo…I may or may not rent it before this drops, but this game will not in any way be a priority for me.  Of course, I’m on record with my opinion that the whole Sandbox Open World thing has been tired and beaten down for a few years now…perhaps inFAMOUS or inFAMOUS 2 is/will be the Tetanus Shot that the genre needs…

…fucking Christ knows that GTA IV wasn’t.

Crysis 2 – Ummmm…FAIL??  Seriously…I d/l’d the trailer on PSN expecting to see the most amazing graphics since Uncharted 2.  What I got was a game that looks like a cross between Gears Of War 3 and Battlefield Bad Company 2.  Don’t get me wrong, those games look great, but for all the shit I’ve heard talked about the CRYTEK engine – I was left wanting more.

The game itself looks badass as hell…but the problem lies in the fact that so does Killzone, Bulletstorm, Spec Ops The Line, SOCOM, Gears and Halo.  As a family man on a budget during a Global Recession, Crysis 2 is looking like something I’m going to have to pass on.

Sorcery – So SCEA revealed Sorcery…a game developed exclusively for the Playstation Move…and yeah – this thing totally looks like a gimmick game.  It drew hoots and hollers from the Shrine Audience but frankly the graphics didn’t look great, the animations themselves were far too cartoony for this Tolkien fanboy’s tastes and the game itself looked like a Harry Potter rip off.

In the end, this game may turn out to be the coolest thing since sliced bread, but from what I saw at E3 it looks like Shovelware.  Oh and the use of the words “Fairy World” was cringe inducing.  Please fix that…thanks.

The Sly Collection – Fanboys rejoice to celebrate Sucker Punch’s previous generation darling platformer upscaled and remastered in HD for the PS3…but honestly I’d have rather seen the ICO Collection.

The ICO Collection – wasn’t there.  Baby Jesus wants to cry.

The Last Guardian – WASN’T.  FUCKING.  THERE.  WHAT.  THE.  FUCK?  Yeah, yeah…I heard…Tokyo Game Show for The Last Guardian.  Look…the only acceptable reason why The Last Guardian wasn’t at E3 would be because Fumito Ueda and his team are too busy helping Bluepoint port Ico and Shadow Of The Colossus over to PS3 for The ICO Collection.

Everything else is just useless jibber jabber.  Sony REALLY dropped the ball by not even having a trailer of The Last Guardian at E3.

SOCOM 4 - Uhhh…SOCOM 4’s only mention was as part of a list of games that will be Move compatible upon launch.  Yeah…uhh…I found that out a while back at GDC.  No new trailer?  No news on single player, co-op, leaning, UCRRs, tiebreakers and clan ladders?  How about the game…will it actually work??

Will there be single player??  Will SOCOM go for that blockbuster Hollywood bullshit that MW and BFBC have been churning out, or will Zipper keep it Hardcore and come with the low key yet ultra realistic Black Ops nature of the first two games?

Yeah…given how integral SOCOM has been and continues to be for the Sony Playstation brand, despite how badly fucking botched SOCOM: Confrontation was, I would’ve liked a little bit more than “SOCOM 4 will be Move compatible.”  Something along the lines of: “SOCOM will be fucking awesome again, we promise” would’ve been nice.

And I’m out of time again…more to come tomorrow or Friday about the two suprises at the end of Sony’s conference and any of the other shit that’s popped up since then.  Chuuuuch.

In January, Rockstar Games was putting the final touch on their Playstation 3 release of Episodes from Liberty City.  While some PS3 gamers no doubt have embraced this year old pair of expansions for the good but still quite disappointing Grand Theft Auto IV, many saw Rockstar’s deal for timed exclusivity with Microsoft as a slap in the face of the very users who provided the financial security that Rockstar enjoys today.

When faced with the backlash from PS3 users over the release, due to the fact that it had been released for the Xbox 360 a year earlier, Rockstar claimed that they would be “very good” to PS3 users in 2010.

Well…here we are, it’s going to me mid-June, E3 starts next week, we’re halfway through 2010 AND PLAYSTATION USERS HAVEN’T SEEN FUCKING SHIT FROM ROCKSTAR.

Rockstar…seriously…are you fucking kidding me??  What the fuck is your idea of “being very good” to PS3 users??  You released Episodes from Liberty City.  Is that honestly supposed to fucking mean something to me??  You ported out M$’s sloppy fucking seconds to us A MOTHERFUCKING YEAR AFTER THE FACT, and that’s supposed to be cool??

Is that your idea of “being very good” to PS3 users??  Because quite honestly, you need to fucking do better than that.  Not even 600,000 of those wretched discs have sold, and it’s not because the expansions suck…I hear they’re actually quite good…it’s because Playstation users have collectively lost interest in your stupid bullshit.

Well, you think…maybe there’s something else.  Some huge chunk of awesome that Rockstar is going to drop on PS3 owners that’ll just make them all shit themselves in delight.  Surely something of this nature eludes us…surely the people at Rockstar aren’t all Human Stain Douchebags.  Hmmmm…let’s brainstorm:

Okay…Episodes from Liberty City…nah…if that’s what they meant when they said they’d be very good to PS3 users, then they all need an ass whipping.

It could be Read Dead Redemption…but wait, that’s a multiplatform title.  If that was what they meant when they said they’d be very good to PS3 users, then they’re really telling us that we’re lucky to be getting anything at all, and that would be a BIG problem for the Sony userbase, which Rockstar owes the overwhelming majority of its success to.

So no…it couldn’t be that…was there some PS3 exclusive skin or some shit for RDR??  …because last I checked, PS3 users weren’t getting any timed exclusive DLC for that, either.

Hmmmm…let’s see, there’s the whole L.A. Noire game, which Rockstar says is going to be legendary…but that USED TO BE a Playstation exclusive until Rockstar reneged on that promise as well.  So no, it can’t be that…because that would go back to the whole “Rockstar spitting in the face of the people who made them successful” thing.

Then there’s the whole AGENT game that Rockstar claims it’s developing for Playstation 3 exclusively.  It was supposed to launch THIS YEAR, but they haven’t said anything about it.  Well, you know…with E3 coming up, maybe they…

…oh wait, Rockstar pulled out of E3 and will not show any new games there…so it’s safe to say that AGENT probably won’t release this year and…let’s be honest…chances of it being a PS3 exclusive (and thereby being a game that fully optimizes all of the PS3’s power and capacity for data ala Uncharted 2) are 50-50.

…if it even comes up at all.

There were also the dark horses:  Max Payne 3 is confirmed for Multiplat release this year…perhaps they were holding onto some PS3 exclusive DLC for Max’s next gen debut.

…but then again most gamers don’t fucking give a shit about Max Payne, so no…that doesn’t work either.

Of course, there has been talk that Rockstar could reveal Grand Theft Auto 5 at E3…there’s always the possibility that could be a PS exclusive…

…wrong.  First of all, no way M$ lets that happen.  Secondly, even if M$ wasn’t able to stop such a thing from happening, that’s not “being very good” to PS3 gamers…that’s taking something away from 360 gamers that they have reason to expect to be able to have for themselves…and that’s fucking bullshit, any way you stack it up.

Sure, some PS3 users might get some kind of personal satisfaction out of that, but I absolutely wouldn’t.  Fuck that…that’s just being a cock to the 360 userbase.  That doesn’t do anything good for me personally…that doesn’t bring me some new kind of enjoyment…all that does is piss off Rockstar’s 360 userbase…and shit like that is the reason that Episodes from Liberty City has sold miserably since it became available to PS3 users.

Seriously Rockstar…are you fucking kidding me??  I wouldn’t even give a shit if you wouldn’t have come out and said that you’d do right by the PS3 userbase.  For a moment, it seemed like you knew that you’d turned your back on the people who made you a household name, and you were intent on doing right by those people.

Apparently tho, that was all just a big fucking crock of shit, posted online as a last ditch effort to reach out to people they’ve alienated, right before offering them a second run product that they should’ve been able to buy six months previous at most.

It is in light of this ridiculous fact that I proudly declare that I have NOT bought Episodes from Liberty City, and I will not pay for that particular piece(s) of software.  Again…I’ve heard they’re good, so it’s kind of a shame, but fuck that.  Some people respond favorably when they hear BOHICA, but I don’t.

So yeah, we’ve seen jack fucking shit along the lines of Rockstar “being very good” or really just plain old “good” to PS3 users in 2010, despite their claim to the contrary.  Now Rockstar has pulled out of E3 and will not have any new games there, which suggests any potential PS3 exclusive offerings are most likely not going to become available until fiscal 2011.

So really…Rockstar…Sam Houser…THIS is your fucking idea of “being very good to PS3 users??”

…well yeah fuck your mothers too, then.